What will you find in this book?:

Chapter 1: Education—'Teachers Are Like Acorn-Fed Ham: Scarce and of Dubious Quality'

In Spain, education is experienced as an extreme sport. Here, every school year is like an episode of Game of Thrones: the strongest survive, along with those who have the best connections. Teachers are genuine heroes, capable of working magic with interactive whiteboards that do not work and textbooks that go out of date faster than fish in summer. That said, if you are lucky enough to find one who is not burned out after marking exams, they are probably as rare as a Madrileño using an umbrella in a storm.

Chapter 2: Healthcare—'Waiting in the Emergency Department Is the New Spa'

Spanish healthcare is among the best in the world, but sometimes the concept of 'urgent' seems to be interpreted flexibly. Arrive with a broken leg and you may find yourself in the waiting room between a bloke with flu and another who has only come for a sick note for work. The waiting time? That depends on what mood the computer system woke up in that day. Still, you can always make new friends during the hours you spend sitting there. And all this is free—well, almost, if we do not count social security contributions.

Chapter 3: The Economy—'Surviving the Ibex and El Corte Inglés'

The Spanish economy is a marvel worthy of study. Here, one day the stock market rises and everyone raises a glass of cava, and the next day it falls and what gets raised is your wallet. But let us not worry: in Spain we have always been good at soldiering on, even if that means living off El Corte Inglés sales right through August. Besides, what would life be without collective redundancies, furlough schemes, and pensions that seem to have come out of a raffle? That said, every Black Friday here looks like the real economic lifeline.

Chapter 4: Culture—'Torrente Is Our Unofficial Ambassador'

If culture is a country's soul, Spain has a soul ranging from the purest flamenco to YouTubers commenting on La Isla de las Tentaciones. Because here, mixing things up is the key. You can be in a museum looking at Velázquez and, on your way out, see someone playing an out-of-tune trumpet in Puerta del Sol. And if you enjoy 'high culture,' relax: you can always see the latest play starring actors from afternoon soap operas. Diversity above all!

Chapter 5: Safety—'Anyone Who Is Scared Has Never Tried Our Neighborhood Alarms'

Spain is a safe country, or so the reports tell us. Yet we all know that real security lies in the bars on our windows, which look as though they came from a medieval prison. Burglaries are rare, but when they happen, it always seems the thief had a master key to the entire building. Still, do not worry: the communal alarms—read: nosy neighbors—are always switched on. If you enter an apartment building and the person on the first floor does not greet you with a suspicious look, something strange is going on.

Chapter 6: The Environment—'Between the Beach and the Mountains, We Always Choose Asphalt'

We love boasting about our beaches and mountains, but the moment we can, we pave everything over. The environment in Spain is like that friend you only see on holiday: always there, but you do not pay them much attention. In this country, we are so innovative that we have managed to plant parks on rooftops while cutting down historic trees. If something is green, in Spain we look at it suspiciously—unless it comes in the shape of a banknote.

Chapter 7: Science and Technology—'Innovation Means Making Everything Work at the Last Minute'

We Spaniards are technology wizards, not because we always innovate, but because we always manage to make things work, even at the very last minute. If you see someone with fifty tabs open on their computer, they are not studying: they are praying that some solution will emerge from SERVICE-002. As for science, we have great minds… abroad. Here, with a little luck, you end up developing apps for ordering tapas on your phone. Now that is innovation!

Chapter 8: Infrastructure—'More Building Work Than at a Plumber's House'

In Spain, infrastructure is like Netflix series: some begin well, but you have no idea when they will end. Roadworks are eternal and mysterious; they always seem to be fixing something, but you never quite see the result. Fast trains? Yes, but delayed. And let us not even discuss Internet connections in villages: a miracle even Our Lady of Lourdes could not explain.

Chapter 9: Social Policy—'The Neighbor Next Door Is Faster Than the Bureaucracy'

Social policy in Spain is an art in itself. Here, if something works well, we add another procedure to complicate it. Applying for assistance? Make sure you have patience, because between photocopies of your ID and forms that resemble riddles, you may end up buying candles for every saint. But there is nothing to worry about: the neighbor is always there to help you queue at the town hall.